Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Not a Blame-storm or a Shame-storm, but we’ve Got Some Work Ahead

Today I promised to be a part of the No Wedding No Womb movement. On this anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation, a bunch of bloggers committed to talking about the staggering statistics in the African American community where 70% of children living within a one-parent home. Below is the post I did for Love's I welcome your discussion.


This is very hard for us to talk about. It’s so hard that we have made a tough heart-wrenching situation into one to be celebrated. We wave a banner, we shout it from the mountain tops, we sing little ditties about it, and we high five each other on Father’s Day. Single-motherhood is a hard and heavy crown to wear. However, the numbers in the African American community are just growing and growing. 72% of our children have unwedded parents. That’s just devastating.

Not devastating because of the Religious or moral values that are being violated, but more importantly because most of the serious issues in our community can be tied to the fact that our families are not together. Young men are killing young men because they aren’t being looked after and supported. As JadaKiss says ” They moms at work, they pops is gone and they livin’ with iron.” Though their mother’s try very hard, they can’t be two places at one time. They have to work to keep the lights on, and the streets offer fatherhood to these young men when their biological fathers will not or cannot.

Young women don’t know how to choose the right man to love and to make a family with because they haven’t seen a loving married couple to model. Our children are not doing well in school because there is only one parent at home, and she is so drained from overworking that checking homework takes a back seat. Our children are obese because they have been eating fried chicken and pizza after school instead of vegetables and lean meats. Why? Because momma is too tired to cook a nutritious meal at the end of the night, so many nights she finds what’s quick and cheap to feed her babies. Even if she does find the strength and time to cook, the food still may not be nutritious because it may have to be cheap and cheap food is many times bad for us.

We are dying because we are killing ourselves through violence, by becoming obese, and because we aren’t educated. I haven’t even gotten into prison and AIDS, and I won’t. Not in this article. As much as we’d like to dispute that these facts are related to single-motherhood the statistics will prove us wrong every time.

This is not a blame-storm. This is a discussion. A discussion that must be had. If you are a single-parent, don’t feel as though it’s all over and your child will be a victim. You can provide what they need with the help of God and your community. It can be done! It has been done over and over again, and it takes a lot of work. If you want to stay single and raise your child, not to worry. Just know that the job is not easy. Be sure to express to your child how hard this road is, and the importance of walking a different one for the survival of our people.

If you are a single parent and you want to raise your child within a happy married union, it’s not too late. You can still find a loving, respectful, responsible man to be your husband and a father to your child. However, you must learn how to be the best you can be, learn to choose well, and you must learn to work really hard within your love life once you find the right man.

Love’s Gumbo is a resource for you. The whole purpose of this website is to empower women who want to be in and stay in a loving relationship. Children beginning life within the surrounds of a loving relationship is a very important thing. If we don’t acknowledge that children being born into a loving and respectful marriage is the highest goal, then we will never be able to address our many issues. Of course, if after all the work has been done and it still doesn’t work out. Co-parenting is the next best option, and family blending is a viable and thriving option too! We must all stay committed to providing an environment where a child knows that both parents know & love them dearly and would do anything for their survival and success.

We are here to help change the world for our children and ourselves. Join the movement!

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